Let’s be honest — when we said “I do,” most of us were thinking about the dress, the cake, and the honeymoon, not joint bank accounts, budgeting apps, or the fact that somebody was going to leave socks on the floor forever.
If marriage came with a syllabus, we’d all have signed up for a pre-requisite called “Survival 101: Love, Money, and Keeping Your Cool.” But since it didn’t, thank goodness for Dr. Gary Chapman and his book Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married.
Dr. Chapman, who’s been married for over 45 years (which basically makes him a relationship Jedi), is the same author behind The Five Love Languages — a book that’s saved more marriages than couple’s therapy and chocolate combined.
š§ The Big Idea
Dr. Chapman says something that made me pause mid-scroll:
“Most people spend far more time preparing for their careers than they do preparing for marriage.”
Ouch. And yet — accurate. We study for degrees, certifications, licenses… but marriage? We just wing it and pray for the best. Then we wonder why it feels like we’re trying to merge two completely different operating systems.
According to him, most divorces don’t happen because love ran out — they happen because no one taught us the skills to work together as teammates. His book is full of those “I wish I’d known” lessons that every woman (married, single, or “it’s complicated”) should probably hear.
š” 12 Things I Wish I’d Known Before Getting Married
Dr. Chapman’s list hits hard — and funny enough, it’s even more true after years of bills, babies, and burnout. Here are a few that stood out:
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Being in love isn’t enough. The butterflies fade; partnership is what keeps you flying.
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Romantic love has stages. Spoiler: one of them involves sweatpants and Netflix.
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“Like mother, like daughter” and “like father, like son” — not a myth, just biology with attitude.
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Disagreements don’t need to become full-blown arguments. (Easier said than done, right?)
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Apologizing is a strength, not a weakness.
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Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling.
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Toilets do not clean themselves. (Somebody tell the husbands.)
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You need a plan for handling money.
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Mutual sexual fulfillment takes communication — not telepathy.
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You’re marrying into a family, not a bubble.
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Going to church doesn’t equal being spiritual.
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Personality affects everything — from conflict to how the dishwasher gets loaded.
š° Marriage & Money: The Chapter That Should Be Mandatory
Dr. Chapman dedicates an entire chapter to money — and if you’ve ever had a “how much did that cost?” moment, you’ll understand why.
Money arguments are one of the top predictors of divorce — and honestly, it’s no surprise. A Kansas State University study found that couples argue about money twice as often as they argue about sex. And no, the “who left the light on again?” debate doesn’t count as foreplay.
š¦ Six Money Traps Most Couples Fall Into
Let’s talk about the big six financial potholes marriages often hit:
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My money vs. your money. If you’re still saying that after “I do,” you’re setting yourself up for trouble.
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Debt. Student loans, car loans, credit cards — they don’t vanish with the honeymoon glow.
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Personality clashes. Spender vs. saver. Dreamer vs. budgeter. Chaos ensues.
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Family support. Helping parents, grandparents, or that one sibling who’s “just between jobs again.”
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Children. They’re a blessing — but also an expense line. Daycare, school, braces, you name it.
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Power plays. When one earns more, works more, or comes from money — imbalance creeps in fast.
š¬ Talking About Money Without a Meltdown
For many of us, growing up meant hearing things like:
“Do you think I’m made of money?”
or
“Money doesn’t grow on trees!”
So it’s no wonder talking about finances feels awkward. But in marriage, silence about money is dangerous. Here’s how to keep the peace (and the lights on):
Because at the end of the day, you’re not just building a marriage — you’re building a life. And lives cost money.
š One Last Thought
Dr. Chapman reminds us that marriage is less about “fixing” the other person and more about learning to grow together — emotionally, spiritually, and financially.
If you’re a working woman trying to hold it all together — managing home, love, kids, and credit card statements — know this: you’re doing better than you think.
Marriage doesn’t come with a manual, but with honesty, teamwork, and a sense of humor, it can still be one of the most rewarding adventures out there.
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