A friend of mine—let’s call her “Miss Got-Her-Life-Together”—said something to me once that made me laugh and think at the same time. She said:
“Kay, I’m not attending another bridal or baby shower unless it’s yours.”
Now, she wasn’t being salty (well, maybe just a sprinkle). She was just tired of being asked the same question at every event: When are you getting married? When are you having kids?
She’s in her thirties, single, no kids—and successful by her own standards. But people kept judging her life through their definition of success. And you know what? She made a conscious decision not to settle just to tick a box. She believes a spouse is an addition, not a completion.
And that got me thinking—what does success really mean to any of us?
Success Means Different Things
Some people feel successful when they get that big promotion. Others, when their faith feels strong, or when their kids eat veggies without bribery (that one’s my personal Mount Everest). The truth is: success isn’t one-size-fits-all.
How we define success says a lot about what we’re looking for in life. And most of us measure it in one of a few ways:
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Faith: Feeling connected to God or something bigger than yourself.
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Possessions: The house, the car, the shoes (don’t lie—we’ve all had that “new shoe glow”).
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Power: The influence, the control, the ability to call the shots.
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Contribution: Making a difference, helping others, changing lives in some small way.
The thing is, none of these are wrong. They’re just different.
Getting Clear on Your Definition of Success
This is the tricky part. Getting crystal clear on what you actually want can be harder than choosing what to watch on Netflix when you finally get the remote.
Some of us don’t know what we want because we’ve been too busy taking care of everyone else. Others thought we knew—then got there and realized, “Wait, this isn’t it.”
Here’s a little hint: pay attention to your jealousy.
Yep, you heard me. That little green monster is your GPS. When you catch yourself thinking, “I wish that were me,” don’t beat yourself up. Just take note. It’s pointing toward something you really want.
Figuring Out What Success Means to You
The sooner we stop borrowing other people’s definitions of success, the better. You don’t have to live someone else’s checklist. As Maya Angelou said:
“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.”
Simple, right? And yet—so deep.
Okay, So How Do We Actually Achieve Success?
Let’s be honest—success takes work. Real, messy, not-always-pretty work. It takes consistency, patience, and a whole lot of mental rewiring.
If you’re waiting to “feel ready,” stop right now. None of us are ever fully ready. The secret is to start anyway.
The Lesson from a Limping Dog
Bishop T.D. Jakes once told a story about a pregnant dog. She got hit by a car and started walking with a limp. When her puppies were born, they all had perfect legs—but they learned to walk with a limp too.
Why? Because they were copying what they saw.
We do the same thing. We pick up habits, fears, and limiting beliefs just because they were modeled for us. But guess what? We can unlearn that.
Unlearning the Learned Behavior
To achieve success, we have to unlearn some of the mental junk we inherited. We have to change the way we think.
Instead of saying, “I can’t afford it,” try asking, “How can I afford it?” It’s not lying to yourself—it’s training your brain to look for solutions instead of walls.
5 Steps to Achieving Success (Without Losing Your Mind)
Step 1: Anchor your spirit.
Find something that grounds you when life gets chaotic—faith, meditation, journaling, prayer, whatever works. You need something steady when the world feels like it’s spinning.
Step 2: Build your circle.
Surround yourself with people who push you forward, not the ones who drain your energy. Find an accountability partner—someone who’ll lovingly call you out when you start to shrink back.
Step 3: Rewrite your story.
We’ve all been through stuff. But there’s power in telling your story from a place of victory, not pain. The story doesn’t change—but the energy behind it does.
Step 4: Stop looking backward.
You can’t rewrite what happened, but you can decide what happens next. Step out of your history and into your destiny.
Step 5: Know yourself.
Who are you really? What lights you up? What drains you? What are you actually good at (not just okay at)?
We spend too much time trying to be who the world says we should be, instead of who we were created to be.
Final Thoughts
At the end of the day, success isn’t about perfection or other people’s timelines. It’s about peace. It’s about getting to a point where you can say, “I like who I am, I like what I’m doing, and I like how I’m doing it.”
So whether your version of success looks like a promotion, a nap, a thriving business, or finally drinking your coffee while it’s still hot—own it.
Because, sis, success is whatever you decide it is.
Outro / Call-to-Action:
So, what does success mean to you? Drop your definition in the comments below or share your story on Instagram and tag @Kaynijo. Let’s remind each other that success doesn’t come with one formula—it’s as unique as we are.
And if you’re a mother, wife, or working woman trying to figure it out one day at a time—trust me, you’re already more successful than you think. 💛
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